The 4 R’s Of Relationships

Have you ever considered how simple life would be if we could all just live alone? We would never have to listen to another person gripe, complain or nag at us. We would never be triggered into explosive anger. We would also not grow, feel a deep love, or connection of another. We would also not have the exquisite feeling of enjoying our lover's naked body sliding over ours. Relationships are a dichotomy. We experience extremes in emotions as well as thoughts, while often being pushed to our limits; often not in a good way. A loving relationship is what we long for, yet we can be our own worst enemy when it comes to relationships. 

Relationships are a mirror of our own soul. Relationships provide the barometer into what is coming up for us, what emotions are stuck (because they keep being triggered) and what we need to work on to be a better version of ourselves. The title of this blog came to me while walking on a Boulder, Colorado trail with four dogs. I heard a lot of "RRRRRRRR!" Dogs can teach us a lot about ourselves. Dogs are very open about their feelings and usually, don't hold them in. Instead, they express what they feel. Following is what I recently received from these amazing animals. 

1. Respect

Never take a person's dignity. It means everything to them and nothing to you. Frank Barron

Dogs respect each other. They respect each other's space, and territory. Dogs know instinctively, that respect is the cornerstone of their world. Without respect, there is no love. When we don't respect our partners, we say things we shouldn't. We hurt others with our words and actions. Abuse occurs when there is no respect. Respect is the cornerstone of a loving relationship. People that don't respect themselves, cannot possibly have any respect for their partners either. It just isn't possible.  

When one dog tries to eat another dog's food, there is an immediate reaction. They growl. The growl is sending a clear message to the other dog, "Get the F*** out of my bowl! There is no doubt what the message is. If the interloper continues without backing down, there is no other warning, a fight ensues.  Dogs are pack animals. Believe it or not, people are similar. We do best when we work together for our common good. Often in a relationship, we are at odds. Relationships don't work when we don't work together. If you don't have respect for others, you have no respect for you either. 

2. Revere

Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control. These three lead to power. Alfred Lord Tennyson 

Watching two dogs together, you will notice that one is always trying to win the other over. They lick, wag their tails and try to get approval from the other. Revere is a deep honoring and approval.

The meaning of the word revere from the Free Dictionary is "awe coupled with profound honor. To respect deeply, venerate." It further denotes admiration. If you don't admire or feel honored to be with the one you supposedly love, you have no business being with them. 

Each moment we have on this earth is a profound gift. Too frequently, we gloss over the moments. We don't listen to our partner and we certainly don't honor them. We talk about honor, but do we know the meaning of it. Honoring someone is not paying lip service as the government does to our troops. A ceremony is given and then they are forgotten.  

Having reverence for our partner raises them up, rather than knocking them down. If you spend more time picking at your partner than raising them up, it is a direct reflection of what is going on inside of you. When we revere someone, we don't nag, bitch, complain and moan about them. Complaining is a downward spiral of negativity, which continues to expand to everyone who will listen. We contaminate our love by complaining. We are wallowing in self-pity when we complain. When we revere our partner, we don't complain. We honor them. We adore them. We venerate them. 

3. Remove 

When we are in a loving partnership with another, we need to remove judgment, criticism, complaining and critiquing. Everyone has their own way of doing things. If you feel things must be done your way, or the highway - take yourself out onto an iceberg and go live alone. You are controlling. Controlling comes from fear. Fear has nothing to do with faith. Have faith in your partner. Remove the negativity.

Such a wonderful word - REMOVE. If you remove the negativity from your communications you will find positivity moves in - it can't help but fill the vacuum created. Everyone does better when they are praised, blessed, and accepted. Your partner is not you. They are different from you. They have different ways of speaking, thinking and loving than you. Accept that. This is who they are. Trying to change your partner indicates that you are not happy with you deep inside. Your focus needs to turn inward, rather than outward. Look inside and be more loving and accepting of you. This will, in turn, reflect out into all your relationships and your world. 

4. Renew

In so many religions there is the talk of rebirth, renewal, and replenishment. Each season on our beautiful earth there is renewal on some level. New moon, new day, new life. Each day we wake up we are reborn. Our soul is renewed. We are awake and alive! It is an opportunity to put what happened yesterday on the pile for the thrift store - get rid of it, let it go. Harping on what happened yesterday gets you more of

yesterday's dirt. When we keep score, take notes and blame - all we do is kill the love that was once present. Let it go! Renew your relationship. Begin Anew. Kiss and make up. Hug, love them. Renew your love. Every day is a new opportunity for more BLISS, more love, more growth. Renew your heart. Breathe life into your relationship. Renew your passion. Touch, hold hands, look at your partner with renewed love. It is never too late to begin. You so deserve it!

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach, healer and author. Self-love is the cornerstone of her work. If you don't love you, all of the above R's will be difficult for you to achieve. You may fake it, try it but won't be able to sustain it. If you don't love you, how can you expect anyone else to? Self-love is our total acceptance of who we are as we are NOW! It is possible. Jennifer is a pathfinder, helping people find their personal path of passion, love, and joy in life. If you aren't happy with you, your life or what you are doing, isn't it time you hired someone who is? 

Jennifer walks the walk and talks the talk. She lives what she writes about. She is available Monday through most Saturdays for assessment sessions which allow you to discover what your goals and intentions are for you and your life to see if they fit with Jennifer's work. She is honest, authentic and approachable. Far from perfect, but certainly happy with herself and her life, her work has helped thousands of people heal and discover true happiness and love. 

Published in Relationship, Self, Sex