Are you in a relationship with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder?
Have you had intense passion and intimate feelings for a person with high highs and low lows?
Does this sound familiar: obsessing about him/her, yet no matter what you do, you can’t seem please the person?
If this applies to you, read further to see if you are in a relationship with a “Borderline Personality.”
– Your partner swings from extremes like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
– one moment passionately loving you in a way that makes you feel very special and in the next moment attacking you, threatening you and even raging violently.
– Being blamed and criticized for everything wrong in the relationship to the point that you are afraid to reveal what you really think or feel. You feel like you are in a double bind: you’re dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. If you ask for anything you are told your needs are wrong or not important.
– Feeling that if you want to keep the relationship you have to deny what you feel to the point that you have become confused about what you really feel. You feel like you’re loosing your grip on reality. Just when you decide you have had enough the Borderline will throw in some caring behavior to throw you off balance and keep you confused.
– When you try to leave the relationship the other person makes declarations of love and devotion or makes threats to you like “no one but me will ever love you.” Emotional abuse victims can be convinced that no one else could want them and they stay in abusive situations because they believe that if they leave they will just be alone forever.
– The abusing person seems to have an uncanny ability to know what you’re thinking and can see into you with such amazing accuracy that you feel special in some way when you are with them much of the time. Longing for these loving moments when you feel seen keep you in the relationship.
-Emotional abuse can be more damaging than psysical abuse because the insults, criticism and accusations chip away at the person’s self esteem and their very core until they blame themselves for the abuse and sometimes even cling to the abuser. Often the abuser in this type of relationship has Borderline Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Traits.
Help is available
If you know anyone who is in a relationship like this please show them this article and let them know that they need help. Both people in an abusive relationship need help. I work with couples in abusive relationships to show them what can be done to create a good relationship. I also can give the person with BPD a referral to a therapist who is skilled in working with this issue. Anyone who is truly committed to doing what it takes to change can change these destructive behaviors and learn how to have a good relationship.